I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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