My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
