remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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