haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
false alarm, still single
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
