I wish I could teleport
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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