I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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