How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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