My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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