my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You can't special order awesome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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