they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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