you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize