I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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