I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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