you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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