i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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