I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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