She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
