So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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