Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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