Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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