i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
