i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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