How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
