I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
