did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
