yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
