google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
