I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
