i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
