i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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