haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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