I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
