my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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