NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
