Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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