i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
