I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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