if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
