If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
