Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
