Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
