he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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