And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
