Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
