just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I AM VODKA MAN
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
