im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
