you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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