do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
