I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
