I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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