would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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