I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
