I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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