We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
