3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
