is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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