just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
being pregnant is like rehab
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
