My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
