Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
