guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
