remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize