i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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