I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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