Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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