I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
