I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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