I want to make a zoo with you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
