just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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