Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
two words: eviction party
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
