dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
