My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
