I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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