Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
